Before I understood WHO I was to worship, I worshipped many things, including people and places. In time I learned the theological perspective of worship, but it wasn’t until I encountered His Presence through worship I was granted the ineffable experience of the ONE to whom I was created to worship! The thought-provoking lyrics of this melodic piece of intimate worship serves as a reminder of God’s sifting in my life over the years. Like live stream television, I found myself mesmerized, engaged and reflective of His hand divinely intervening time and time again on my behalf.

No matter where you are on your personal walk with the Lord, whether newly converted or intimately seasoned, He promises when we “seek him, we’ll find him, when we search for him with our whole heart.” (Jeremiah 29:13). You see, “how” we worship reveals our “selflessness” and “who” we worship acknowledges the allegiance of our surrender!

Whether you’ve experienced an abduction of your emotions, finances, business, marriage or severance from a family member, know that victory lies within our desiring the presence of God more than the answer. The indelible mark of surrender and withholding nothing from God not only taught me how to unapologetically trust the leading and guiding of the Holy Spirit, but how to entrust the distrust of my past to the loving care of my Heavenly Father!

We also see a similar relinquishment of will in the life of Joseph whose gift and interpretation of dreams perpetuated him being sold into slavery by his own brothers.  He was falsely accused of rape by Potiphar's wife and imprisoned with Pharaoh's cupbearer and baker whose dreams he interpreted.

If we're brutally honest, we've all engaged in the act of comparing ourselves (or some facet of our lives) to another.  It's amazing how God uses the broken pieces of our lives to reconstruct (sometimes unknowingly) the inner walls of another's confidence.  For a moment, we were two women enthralled in the commonness of our strengths and frailties, victories and failures as our paths collided on purpose. 

So, what happened?  Hannah embraced the process of being processed and made a conscious decision to stop pretending!  She dismantled the false personalities, abandoned the shame and disappointment while acknowledging she was in a situation only God could fix. Perhaps the reason we're not seeing undeniable change in certain areas of our lives is because it's not our true desire. 

The disdain of Hannah's unfruitfulness has now consumed every facet of her life.  Her desire to become a mother was so intense that she humbled herself before the Lord and begged.  She was now a prime candidate for surrender and healing.  The stronghold of bitterness, anger, resentment, unforgiveness and contempt towards Peninnah was starting to dissipate. 

You see, God allowed the unspoken unworthiness of others in my life to navigate me through the maturation process of defining and fortifying my inner enoughness in Him!  I truly believe we're harder on ourselves than God is! 

Shortly after gathering my sisters from outside to complete their chores prior to our Mother's arrival home, I remember the telephone ringing and sensing an unexplainable easiness from within.  The voice on the other end of the telephone was gripping as the pealing of their words became inaudible within my hearing.  "What?  Tanya is dead.  They found her dead in her home with a gunshot wound to the head!"  

In Luke 10:38-42, we see where Martha (Mary's oldest sister) welcomes Jesus into her home only to become preoccupied ("distracted with much serving") with impressing her guests; unlike Mary who "sat at Jesus' feet and heard His word."  Much like Martha, Hannah allowed her self-perception to hinder further development of her character. 

One day while pondering a particular season, the LORD impart a life-changing truth through a series of thought-provoking questions.  He said "if everyone ascended to a public platform (local or global, whether television or radio) who would be left to influence?  How would I (Jesus Christ) be accessible to those who are unable to access the inaccessible?    At that moment, I realized we've all erred in believing the value of one's platform lies within the visual aesthetics of another's validation of its worth.  Absolutely not true! 

In essence, the antagonistic gnawing of our insecurities, low self-worth, ethnic inadequacies and yes, even marital and financial sparring within ourselves is best accomplished in unknown seasons of perfecting.  Because of Pastor Gray's willingness to allow God's timing to take precedence over an untimely unveiling, he and his wife Aventer in May 2018 will become the new Senior Pastors of Relentless Church in Greenville, SC.  A sprawling 20-acre multi-generational campus whose diversity spreads over a 6,000 member congregation. 

Contrary to our belief, it's his amazing grace that's covered our shame during multiple seasons of exercising our free will, not our families, socio-economic status, spouses or girlfriends!  If we were brutally honest with ourselves about "where would I be if you left me God?" it would be a resounding "I'd be lost"! 

Much like Moses who didn't blow up and become the deliverer of his people until he endured his God-assigned unknown season.  Why?  Because improper access to the platform would've been detrimental not only to the Israelite’s but you and I too!  (Exodus 2-40 and Deuteronomy)

The words of this song are universal in that we've all experienced being rejected, ostracized or marginalized because of under-developed areas of self-worth.

For many of us, the complexities of celebritism are equated with one's ability or inability to maintain a wealthy status, as opposed to the origin of their fruitfulness during an unknown season. 

“When she had met Elkanah, she knew the Lord had been faithful and generous to her.  Not only was Elkanah fair and honest in his ways and his dealings with others, but he actually loved her.  He saw something in her eyes that made him smile, and look back at her with an intensity that unsettled her in the best of ways. 

Recently while researching information on the internet, I stumbled across an article about the No. 1 worship song in the country entitled "Reckless Love." Apparently, the lyrics of the song (particularly the word "reckless") were unsettling to many and caused several highly respected theologians to repudiate songwriter Cory Asbury's revelatory expression of God's love.

Several years ago upon receiving a call about our grandbaby being abducted, my world was turned upside down.  Misguided by a deluge of emotions ranging from bitterness, rage and even insensitivity towards God's help.  Although I never stopped loving or needing God, allowing the Holy Spirit to take charge of my mind and detangle the acidity of deception and infiltrate the crushing words of shame seemed improbable!

Bountiful Blessings and HAPPY RESURRETION SUNDAY.....

Where has the time gone?  It seems like yesterday when I began writing from the portals of my heart to every one of you.  I hope you know how much I absolutely love empowering, strengthening and inspiring you through our "Weekly Reflections", "Morning Worship" and monthly "Strait Talk for Women" blogs!