Tender Leaks of the Heart
A Costly Lesson
The disdain of Hannah's unfruitfulness has now consumed every facet of her life. Her desire to become a mother was so intense that she humbled herself before the Lord and begged. She was now a prime candidate for surrender and healing. The stronghold of bitterness, anger, resentment, unforgiveness and contempt towards Peninnah was starting to dissipate. The victim mentality was no longer rewinding habitually within her mind. She was becoming loosed from the mental slavery of self-deprecating thoughts which opposed the character and integrity of God. It is an incontrovertible truth that '"When you learn to be grateful for the lesson the pain taught you, you'll stop resenting the hurt it caused you. Learn to see the beauty in your scars.'" In other words, instead of viewing the temporal distraction as an onerous task, learn to embrace the process and expose the scarring upon which the wound is predicated, then dare to believe God for behavior conducive to your worth!
Have you ever been in a season when you were seeking, craving and pestering God for manifestation of your heart's desires? But like Joseph, you had the gifting absent understanding. It's true, when we think about Joseph the dreamer, we allude to the hero: the most loved of his father's children, his beautiful tunic of many colors, second most powerful man in Egypt who saved his family along with an entire region from starvation and famine. But rarely do we ponder in-depth the vehement hostility of his brothers towards him or the premeditated murderous plot to kill and throw him into a pit (a cistern) because of his God-given dreams (Genesis 37). Although Joseph was seventeen years old when God revealed his gift, the refining of his character was costly. It entailed long periods of waiting and preparation; he experienced lows which scraped the bottom of his patience and resistance usually followed by something even worse. You see, when we memorialize the past, we allow the threatening power of its erection to shape and deny our future. In short, while Joseph was anticipating fulfillment of his dreams, destiny was awaiting development of his character. Sound familiar?
What's the lesson Lord? What's your real heart's desire? Am I your heart's desire? Hannah's in the temple praying from a place of inexpressible brokenness. The unintentional lip synching of her prayers catches the eyes of the temple priest Eli who assumes the unfathomable; this woman's drunk! While deliriously lulled in her pain and falsely perceived by one man's trajectory of her, she passionately heralds through pierced lips "No sir, I am not a drunken woman, but simply a desperate woman in prayer before the Lord"! You see, it's not until we become desperately desperate from within and are able to share the blessedness of our lives as attestation of our brokenness will God's purpose become larger than the desires of our hearts.